She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
