ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
