Nicole vs. Life
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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