She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
