he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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