All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
