party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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