so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
