so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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