It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
