can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
