It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
