well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
