Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
