How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
