Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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