I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
