If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
