Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
