Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
