Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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