:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
