What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
