I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
