I think I won the penis lottery.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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