ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
