but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
