It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
