Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(478): View more from Georgia

Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.

(706): View more from Georgia

Try anal, it works wonders.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.

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(330): View more from Ohio

This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?

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(630): View more from Illinois

i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.

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(226): View more from Ontario

This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon

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(765): View more from Indiana

We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny

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(205): View more from Alabama

First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.

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(720): View more from Colorado

You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.

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(253): View more from Washington

So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.

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