i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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