her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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