i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Randomize
