you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
