just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
