the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
What drink are we having for lunch?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
