apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
