i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Randomize
