I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
