dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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