she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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