I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
