Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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