i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize