i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
