Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
