He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
