not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
