found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize