can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
