Your tits are I can't wait for
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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