Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
