I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
