and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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