You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
