I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
