Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
