my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
