Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
