If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
