I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
