Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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