I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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