The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
