I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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