I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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